Bereaved Birthdays

Birthdays are a time for celebration
Not a time for tears
But what happens when the birthdays
No longer mark the years

A birthday marks the moment
A spirit enters earthly life
To share its special love and joy
And learn from earthly strife

Before a spirit comes to us,
It Knows when and how it must depart
It chooses its path carefully,
We are honored from the start

The sadness we now feel on such a joyous day
Is longing for our loved one's touch
It's natural to feel this way
For even though the birthdays
No longer mark a spirit's stay

Love continues on forever
To touch us everyday
I hug my precious memories
Close to my heart
And honor my beloved spirit child
Who chose me from the start

Author unknown

Help Me To Know Me

Lord, Help me to know me.
I used to know me well.
I knew just who I was and
where I wanted to be.
I looked forward to the future,
for life was good,you see.
With my loved one by my side
no mountain was to high,
no burden to heavy to bear.
I always trusted you and
you were always there.

But then one day I lost my love,
and my world came tumbling down.
I reached out for an anchor,
but no anchor could be found.
I cried out to you Lord,
but I heard not a sound.
No peace could I find,
nothing to ease the pain.
When the grief became so great
it seemed more than I could bear,
I stepped outside myself
and watched from afar.
It was like looking through a glass
and watching me go on.
I no longer had to feel,
my life was not my own.

I know you must have spoke to me
and tried to hold me tight.
But I just wouldn't listen Lord,
I wanted my loved one back.
I know you didn't leave me,
you've been here all along,
waiting for me to step back in
and claim my life again.

The trouble now Lord is
that I don't know who I am.
I don't know how to live since
my world turned upside down.
I just want to be what you would have me be.
But I need you right now Lord,
to help me to know me.

Reatha Crow

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background images copyright 1999-2002  eos development
bar from 24K FREE GOLD graphics
gift from Nutmeg Creations
floater script from JavaScript Source
balloon & cake from Graphics by Irene
birthday scroll by Sonia's Graphics
tears from me
Ben's signature from Lori, she sent me quite a collection 2003
a piece of birthday cake for you!
view my guestbook | sign my guestbook
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June 12
I miss you on your birthday,
Not only for your smile,
But for the piece of me that's gone,
Left within your care.

I'm in an empty hallway
And have been for awhile,
Gazing inwardly towards home,
Neither here nor there.

How imprecise the instant
Held hostage by my tears!
Though Time may seem insatiable,
I have you in my heart.

Copyright by
Nicholas Gordon

So Few Realize What Life Is About

So few realize what life is about.
If I knew nothing else, I knew warmth, pleasure,
Despite everything, I knew love.

People look for what they can measure:
A degree, money, children they can brag about,
Reasons others might wish them mazel tov.
On days like other days were moments I treasured,
Life like other lives, humdrum, passing without
Yammering, with you, with the children, full, enough

Copyright by
Nicholas Gordon

Copyright © 2002 Train Wreck Central 2

Michael Jackson
A gift from Terri
She was sent by Papaw Joe to wish Ben a happy birthday, along with several others
Today is your birthday
without candles and cake.
And since you are not with us,
we will not celebrate.
We cannot send you a birthday card,
your hands we cannot touch.
So we ask God to give a message
to the one we love so much.
And grant us one wish
and make it come true.
To have His choir of Angels sing
Happy Birthday to you.

Author Unknown

I had Ben at age 17 and grew 2 inches after that so guess you could say we grew up together literally.   Being very introverted,  the doctor that delivered him would tell me that if I didn't start talking Ben would never learn to talk, lol.  Ben had no problem with learning, that's for sure, but he was a very quiet child so the doctor was right.  The first 2 years of his life we were alone so the bond, undoubtedly strong.  He was a real healthy little guy and many would say he should be carrying me instead of me carrying him.

that's all I can do, sorry.  For those of you who visited last year, there aren't many changes but please take the time to sign the guest book.  6/2003 
It's your 35th birthday, 5th in heaven and only God knows how  much I miss you & look forward to seeing you.

Ben's party, hosted by Lori
  In The Shadow of My Despair

You have no idea just how I feel

unless you're in my shoes

no way you can comprehend

the depth of sorrow in my blues.

The shock carried me away

when my child died

a cloud like calm enveloped me

as friends hugged me and we cried.

They then felt the bitter pain

putting themselves in my place

envisioning the loss of their child

as they gazed upon his face.

They at once realized how vulnerable

one can truly be

how painful that reality

was brought clear for them to see.

To see such a beautiful child

laying cold and lifeless in his funeral bier

strikes terror in any parents' heart

that their child could too expire.

Uncomfortable people don't know what to say

so you hear, "if there is anything that I can do..."

feeling helpless in a situation

so difficult to get through.

So many people often exclaim,

"I don't know how you do it,

I love my children so awfully much

there is no way I could get through it."

My God! Does this mean because I am calm,

I love my children less?

How else could I handle it,

under such great duress.

God grants us a little time

a short period that we are numb with shock

to attend to funeral arrangements

and the ability to even talk.

It is when the wake is over

the funeral said and done

the graveside interment finished

or the ashes scattered in the sun.

These acts of life's finality

start to erode the facade of calm

and the reality of my great loss

breaks down God's numbing balm.

It is said that grief takes time

at least two years most experts agree

before a semblance of normalcy

will start to return to me.

At times I feel quite normal

in fact almost good

and then the boom is lowered

as I expected that it would.

Intense pain then returns

and racks my very soul

depression I have never known before

starts to take its toll.

The real world fades away...

people talk and are not heard

apathy surrounds my being

it's difficult to utter a word.

Tears flow in a sudden flood

with deep convulsive groans

wails of torment escape my throat

that vibrates from my bones.

As an exhausted shell of myself

I feel washed out and spent

the intensity diminishing

from this scenario of my lament.

I slowly then recover

and feeling better in part

it seems a great weight has been lifted

temporarily from my heart.

It is these intense feelings

other people do not perceive

not realizing the profundity of pain

that each day I do receive.

Their lives go on as before

with a modicum of change

their petty priorities seem unimportant

that in their lives they do arrange.

I have a lowered tolerance

for trivial problems that people exclaim

no time for their trifling complaints

or who won the baseball game.

I understand that it is my perception

it is no fault of their own

but I cannot help the way I'm feeling

caught in this "grieving zone".

I wonder how long it will take

before I lose a friend

because of my intolerable moods

that could put a friendship to end.

I think that friends that truly care

will always be by my side

and in the shadow of my despair

their love will still reside.

It may take several years

before I can stand tall again

and I will thank God for the loving arms

of the people I still call a friend.

Sent to me by Donna, sometime ago.  You can meet April  the
daughter she lost hereShe had "to my REAL friends" in the subject line. 

This page was last updated: May 18, 2010